Memories...

Yesterday was also an anniversary of sorts.  Kind of a sad one, but it's not really the specific day that makes me sad.  It's the memory of seeing our Pastor come up the walk and having him tell us that we wouldn't be seeing my Dad because he'd had a heart attack while driving back to our house in B.C. The memory of being in complete shock and yet feeling the need to be strong for my mom, who was in just as much shock, if not more.  Remembering how I didn't want to cry too much because I didn't want to hurt the baby that I was carrying inside.  The little one that Dad had looked forward to meeting.  Knowing that I had a little girl who still needed her mother and a husband that still needed his wife.  Wanting to be strong, but at the same time just wanting to curl up in a ball and die so that I could be with my dad.  It's harder writing this than going through the actual day that was the anniversary of his death.  5 years have passed.  It really doesn't seem possible, but I know that it's true.  So much has happened and it makes me sad to think of all that he has missed.  Not even so much, the things that he has missed, but the things that we and our children have missed because he's not here.  Having him meet Garrison, Caleb and Kiersten.  Not being able to call him at the church.  Not having him call me Lolly, even though I pretended that it was embarrassing.  He was the only one that I let get away with it and he still called me that after I got married:). No prank phone calls trying to get us to get us to switch phone companies.  Dad had a great sense of humor and a great love for the Lord.  A gentle spirit that was shown in the strength of his hug.  A love that was shown in his smile and the twinkle of his eyes.  I think one of the hardest moments was when we had Garrison's dedication.  Wishing so much that Dad could have been the one to do it.  I think he was the first one of the grandchildren to miss out on that.  Gideon was born a couple weeks before Garrison, so I think the memory is the same for my brother.  Knowing that Dad would never get to tell them Bible stories and take them fishing.  Having him rejoice the day that Elyssia and Garrison got saved.  I know the angels rejoice in Heaven over one sinner that comes to repentance, but I don't know if they say their names.  Maybe he did get to know about it:).  I know he would have loved to come and be a part of the church plant up here and getting to know the people that the Lord has brought into our lives.  So, although I know he's much better off up there in Heaven and I don't sorrow as those that have no hope of ever seeing their loved one again.  I still miss having him on the other end of the phone line or driving up the lane to our house.  Looking forward to that great reunion in Heaven!
  For now, I have my brothers and family. Each one of them seems to have a little part of Dad within them.  Some are good listeners and some know how to comfort with a hug.  Some have his sense of humor, gift of acting, twinkle in their eye and the list goes on.  Some of the boys say, act or do things that make me think of stories Dad told us growing up.  The Lord has given us little glimpses over the years and we just pray that God will choose to use us and our children  to spread the Gospel and love the lost, like Dad did.
  Miss you Dad, Hoping to see you one day soon...