Monday, May 30, 2011

Memories...

Yesterday was also an anniversary of sorts.  Kind of a sad one, but it's not really the specific day that makes me sad.  It's the memory of seeing our Pastor come up the walk and having him tell us that we wouldn't be seeing my Dad because he'd had a heart attack while driving back to our house in B.C. The memory of being in complete shock and yet feeling the need to be strong for my mom, who was in just as much shock, if not more.  Remembering how I didn't want to cry too much because I didn't want to hurt the baby that I was carrying inside.  The little one that Dad had looked forward to meeting.  Knowing that I had a little girl who still needed her mother and a husband that still needed his wife.  Wanting to be strong, but at the same time just wanting to curl up in a ball and die so that I could be with my dad.  It's harder writing this than going through the actual day that was the anniversary of his death.  5 years have passed.  It really doesn't seem possible, but I know that it's true.  So much has happened and it makes me sad to think of all that he has missed.  Not even so much, the things that he has missed, but the things that we and our children have missed because he's not here.  Having him meet Garrison, Caleb and Kiersten.  Not being able to call him at the church.  Not having him call me Lolly, even though I pretended that it was embarrassing.  He was the only one that I let get away with it and he still called me that after I got married:). No prank phone calls trying to get us to get us to switch phone companies.  Dad had a great sense of humor and a great love for the Lord.  A gentle spirit that was shown in the strength of his hug.  A love that was shown in his smile and the twinkle of his eyes.  I think one of the hardest moments was when we had Garrison's dedication.  Wishing so much that Dad could have been the one to do it.  I think he was the first one of the grandchildren to miss out on that.  Gideon was born a couple weeks before Garrison, so I think the memory is the same for my brother.  Knowing that Dad would never get to tell them Bible stories and take them fishing.  Having him rejoice the day that Elyssia and Garrison got saved.  I know the angels rejoice in Heaven over one sinner that comes to repentance, but I don't know if they say their names.  Maybe he did get to know about it:).  I know he would have loved to come and be a part of the church plant up here and getting to know the people that the Lord has brought into our lives.  So, although I know he's much better off up there in Heaven and I don't sorrow as those that have no hope of ever seeing their loved one again.  I still miss having him on the other end of the phone line or driving up the lane to our house.  Looking forward to that great reunion in Heaven!
  For now, I have my brothers and family. Each one of them seems to have a little part of Dad within them.  Some are good listeners and some know how to comfort with a hug.  Some have his sense of humor, gift of acting, twinkle in their eye and the list goes on.  Some of the boys say, act or do things that make me think of stories Dad told us growing up.  The Lord has given us little glimpses over the years and we just pray that God will choose to use us and our children  to spread the Gospel and love the lost, like Dad did.
  Miss you Dad, Hoping to see you one day soon...

4 comments:

  1. I miss your Dad too. ~ Carolyn

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  2. What a beautiful tribute to your Dad. What I would like to know is what little part of him do you think YOU have?

    And I firmly believe he knows about Elyssia and Garrison. Something a dear old friend of my Dad's told him in the surreal days after Mum died is this: "She is with God. And God is with us. So she's not very far away ..."

    What a gift godly, loving parents are ...

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  3. I was thinking of you the other day, knowing that this anniversary was coming up. I really loved your dad and I think of him often. I look forward to seeing him again one day!

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  4. Karyn,
    That might be a better question to ask my friends that commented and family. They were the closest thing that I had to sisters. I was my Dad's shadow and wanted to go everywhere with him. I didn't care if it was just to pay bills, I just wanted to be with him. Sometimes we didn't even talk, we were just together. I have his hazel eyes, but Garrison got the twinkle. He passed on his burden for missionaries, but it was something that my mom had as well. So, I'm not sure exactly what I would say I have that was a part of him. I'm thankful for the time that the Lord allowed us to have him here on earth and look forward to the reunion and hope it's not too far off. In the meantime, my prayer is that I can serve the Lord and hear that "well done" from the Lord and from my dad.

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